How Failure Leads to Success
Embracing it as a Path Forward
When was the last time you failed at something? Go on, you can admit it to me. I’m not a believer that “failure” is as dirty of a word as we’ve been led to believe. In fact, I think it can often be a key to success with the right framing and mindset.
In this blog, I’ll walk you through the discomfort of failure and show you a way to move through in a way that propels you forward, rather than holds you back. So you can embrace it as an opportunity to learn, rather than a sign that you’ve done something wrong.
Why We Fear Failure
Often our reasons for fear of failure go way back. They can come from negative past experiences in which we were ridiculed, shamed, or made to feel less than due to our failure. Our fear can come from low self-esteem and confidence, worrying we won’t have the inner resources to handle a failure or setback. And they can come from worse case scenario thinking, which is a propensity to catastrophize a failure, thinking it may lead to the worst possible chain of events. There are many reasons we fear failure, but almost always it goes back to a past or future fixation. Failure, in the present, in almost never as bad as what we think it will be. But, it’s still no walk in the park.
Failure Can Be Uncomfortable
It’s almost always uncomfortable when something we attempted and tried doesn’t work out or go the way we planned. We may even take it to mean something about ourselves, and think WE are the failures.
But here’s the reality, failing doesn’t mean YOU are a failure. In fact, it doesn’t say anything about your worth or value as a human being at all, it means that you tried. You tried something new, and likely, you gave it a really good effort!
We don’t usually don’t fail in the things we naturally know how to do, things we do well, things we do every day, things that are second-nature to us. We fail in things that are NEW. Things that we’ve changed, are learning, are trying our hand at for the first time.
Change is almost always uncomfortable, the unknown is uncomfortable, and failure can also be uncomfortable.
If you’re willing to sit with it, instead of run away from the feeling. If you’re willing to unpack the lessons that failure has for you, it can open new doors and help you to embrace opportunities you didn’t even know existed before.
Definition of Failure
It’s helpful to define failure so that we can in fact see that it's not a dirty word.
Lack of success (something is unsuccessful)
The omission of expected or required action (somethign doesn’t go as planned)
The action or state of not functioning (something doesn’t work)
The collapse of a business (a business fails)
It’s ok to acknowledge it for what it is when things don’t go as planned, are unsuccessful, and don’t work! Products fail, launches fail, marketing attempts fail, businesses fail, things fail.
Let’s talk about how to embrace it as a learning opportunity and dive into how failure leads to success!
“Failure is not an ending; it’s a stepping stone to success.” - Ariana Huffington
How Failure Leads to Success:
Failure leads to success when we use our failures and mistakes as a learning opportunity and catalyst to move us forward.
First, we must fully feel our emotions around the failure and acknowledge it for what it is. We have to allow ourselves to mourn, grieve, regret, admit to ourselves that it was something we really wanted and cared about! Then, once we’ve given ourselves an opportunity to feel our feelings around the failure, it’s time to look at the lessons it contains.
Look closely and honestly at what contributed to the failure. What was in your control and had nothing to do with you at all? What could you have prevented and done differently? What would you have done the same if you got the chance to do it again?
Going through this inventorying process can help you parse out why the failure occurred, take ownership of what’s yours, and let go of the things that you had no control over in the first place!
Then, you want to shift into what new possibilities and opportunities this failure opened up. It might be new insights, a new direction, a new focus in your life or business. It might guide you away from someone or something in the future, and it might lead you down a new path. You may even try again, with your new information and insights in hand.
After you decide what you want to do with what you’ve learned, it’s time to action and move forward. I mean it, take that first step.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it, you might fail again! Failing is part of the human experience. If we’re trying and doing, we’re likely failing at some point. You can come back to this process each and every time to feel and process, analyze and review, and move forward with confidence and new information.
Even When We See it the Lessons of Failure, it’s Still Not Easy.
Even if you know how to move through failure, without getting stuck and mired down in shame, guilt, or your feelings, it can still be challenging when it happens. It’s really helpful to work with someone who can review all angles, help you process and make space for your feelings, and see clearly what those doors are opening up when other ones close.
I help guide you and support you through situations and challenges like these, as you navigate difficult transitions, failures, and disappointments. I help you shift your mindset, see that path forward, and confidently take those steps into your next action.
