Setting Professional and Personal Boundaries
How and when to set a boundary in your life
Most of us could benefit personally and professionally from more defined boundaries as well as increased confidence to express them clearly to others.
Boundaries are an essential part of mental and emotional well-being. They define how we interact with others, protect our energy, and allow us to show up as our best selves both personally and professionally.
Yet, setting boundaries isn’t always easy.
Many struggle with guilt, fear of disappointing others, or simply not knowing where to start. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, drained, or taken advantage of, it might be time to assess where stronger boundaries are needed.
In this blog, we’ll break down the different types of boundaries, and how to set and communicate them effectively and confidently.
How Do You Know You Need to Set a Boundary?
If you consistently feel drained, anxious, or resentful in certain situations or in working with various individuals it might be a sign that a boundary is lacking.
Look for patterns at work, in relationships, and at home:
Do you frequently feel overextended or obligated?
Are your needs often overlooked or dismissed?
Do specific interactions leave you feeling depleted or uncomfortable?
There are different types of boundaries: Emotional, Physical, Professional, Financial, Intellectual, Time, Material… the list goes on.
Boundaries are applicable and can be set in any relationship and the key indicator that one is needed is you continuously feel like your boundaries are being trampled by others.
You may not have set one in the first place and you may not be expressing it as clearly as you could or enforcing it.
Communicating Boundaries Clearly and Confidently
Once you recognize the need for a boundary, the next step is to define what you’d like the boundary to be. Start with yourself and jot down your boundary and how it applies. Get clear on whether or not there are exceptions and if so, when or for whom? When will you start applying the boundary? How will you express it and who needs to know about it?
Here are some keys for expressing your new boundary (or reinforcing an old one) with clarity and confidence:
Be direct but kind. “I appreciate you reaching out, but I won’t be able to take that on this week.”
Use “I” statements. “I need some time in the morning, so I won’t be available before 9am for our meeting.”
Avoid over-explaining. This is where so many get into trouble! You don’t need to apologize, explain, or overcompensate for your boundary. A simple statement is enough.
What do you do when you’ve set the boundary, communicated the boundary, and now need to enforce it with consistency!?
Enforcing the Boundaries You’ve Set
Setting boundaries is one thing. Sticking to them and upholding a promise and commitment to yourself is another entirely. It’s important to realize that if you let a boundary slide once, twice, three times, people assume it wasn’t as serious as you spelled out.
This leaves you breaking promises to yourself and back to where you started in people taking advantage of your time, energy, space, or expertise.
Reinforce your boundary by:
Starting inside out. Have your own back! Remember why you set the boundary in the first place and recommit to your needs, well-being, and peace. Hold yourself accountable for maintaining your limits.
Follow through on consequences. When a teacher tells a student they’re going to the principal’s office, but doesn’t follow through, chances are high the student will pull the same antic again and again. Follow through on any consequences tied to the boundary. Ie. A late fee, stopping communication, leaving an organization, etc.
Redirect conversations or behaviors when your boundary is crossed. Often, a simple redirect reminds people that’s not an area you’re willing to discuss or a line you’re willing to have crossed.
Setting Boundaries in the Workplace
Setting boundaries in a professional environment is vital for maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Your mental health, productivity, and self-worth are of the utmost importance when it comes to setting boundaries in the workplace.
It’s important to clearly define boundaries around time, availability, intellect, and energy and express them. Examples might look like:
“I don’t check my work email after 5pm.”
“I’m not available on weekends.”
“When my office door is closed, do not disturb me.”
“I can’t give you that intellectual property at no cost.”
Be aware of when boundaries are ignored and document incidents if needed.
If a colleague or manager oversteps, address it professionally and respond calmly and assertively. Bring in the help of a manager, colleague, or HR if your boundary is being violated and you’re unable to handle the situation on your own.
Setting Boundaries in Personal Relationships
If you constantly feel drained, used, overwhelmed, or a lack of reciprocity in relationships, it’s worth asking yourself why.
Watch as patterns unfold:
Are your needs constantly being overlooked or dismissed?
Are you giving more than you’re receiving on a consistent basis?
Are you being asked to take on more than you can realistically handle?
Identifying patterns helps you understand where boundaries are needed in your personal relationships. Unhealthy dynamics, when at play, can indicate an unbalanced or unhealthy relationship. If you’re experiencing guilt trips or manipulation, disrespected time, feelings or autonomy, or statements indicating you’re of lesser worth, it’s time to consider removing yourself from the relationship entirely.
You’re worthy of respect and consideration in all of your relationships.
Setting Boundaries Without Guilt
Well, let’s say mostly without guilt! For some, it can take time and practice to set boundaries without feeling a sense of guilt. As you’re going through the process, keep these reminders in mind to fortify and strengthen your boundary-setting efforts:
You’re responsible for setting the boundary but not how others react to your boundary
Prioritizing your needs and self isn’t selfish - it’s necessary to showing up your best
Healthy relationships respect mutual needs and limits. No holds barred.
With time and practice, you’ll learn to say “no” without excessive justification. Start small and simple and stay consistent.
A Final Word on Overcoming Pushback
It’s not easy to stand firm and have your own back in the first place. Nevermind when someone is pushing back and responding negatively or aggressively to your boundaries.
The reality is…
Some people will test your limits to see if you’ll indeed enforce them.
Some people will make you react emotionally and make you feel guilty for setting a boundary
Some people will immediately honor and respect your boundaries (these are healthy relationships and likely a keeper!)
Stay firm even if someone is trying to guilt you into feeling a certain way or responding differently. Use neutral language whenever possible to avoid escalating conflicts and don’t hesitate to reiterate and repeat your boundary. You can even say something that recognizes their frustration, “I understand this is challenging for you, but I will be sticking to my decision.”
Boundaries are about having your own back and respecting yourself. If someone refuses to honor your limits, it’s time to reassess the role they play in their life and whether or not they’re respecting and valuing all you are and bring to the table.
Boundaries are doorways to healthier interactions and showing up your best.
A Boundary Isn’t a Wall, it’s a Gateway.
A boundary paves the way to better, healthier, mutually beneficial and respectful relationships. It fosters a stronger sense of self and more intentional interactions. When you set and uphold your boundaries, you’re teaching others that you are worthy and deserve to be treated well and you create space for more peace and fulfillment in your life.
Reflection: What’s one boundary you need to create or reinforce this week?
For more personalized guidance on setting boundaries and navigating tough conversations, reach out and let’s talk!
